My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?